School Trip

In keeping with my unofficial Kansas City job title of humanitarian, I spent the week before Christmas imparting some knowledge on the youth of America. First, I visited my little sis’ 5th grade classroom at Chapel Lakes School to discuss my impending trip, while making a promise to correspond with them throughout its duration. My “presentation” was littered with covert and subliminal messages advocating their withdrawal from school to do their own traveling. Yes, I did feel slightly guilty corrupting the minds of middle-schoolers, however, I didn’t learn much after 5th grade anyway so don’t worry about them. Next, I met with my friend Micah’s 4th grade classroom at Robinson Elementary and went through much of the same shenanigans. Reflecting back on those visits, I have decided that a good way to gauge your ability to be politically correct is to speak for an hour in front of a middle school classroom. Apart from the obvious avoidance of swearing, I felt like I was trying to critically analyze every statement prior to uttering it in the hopes that I wouldn’t say something that would get my sister fired. Perhaps my PC paranoia stems from a prior incident a couple years ago when I substitute taught a 7th grade classroom at an unnamed Catholic grade school in KC and I told the kids that if they didn’t behave, I was going to “give them a homework assigns that would really suck.” Well, apparently since I was in grade school the word “suck” has since attained the same status as the F bomb because when I said that the kids looked appalled and I saw a few jott down a reminder to tell their parents. Later I consulted my aunt, who at the time was the school’s principal, who verified the word’s severity in middle school swear vernacular and recommended that I clean up my vocab prior to having any conversations with anyone under the age of 18. And so, there went my storied career in substitute teaching….