Be Careful What You Wish For...

Realizing that I needed to outrun this damn Swineflu that was bound to hit Vietnam at any moment, I decided the best thing to do would be get off the tourist trail for a couple days. Plus, I had been feeling a little too comfortable lately and felt the need to get away from the masses for a bit. Or so I thought.
In Hoi An, I decided to rent another motorbike and set off for a 3 day trip along the coast and eventually to Bach Ma National Park between Danang and Hue. I tried to explain this 300km trip to the lady that I was renting the moto from, stressing that I needed a quality bike that wouldn't go on the fritz in BFE. She first pointed to a motorbike and said "yeah good." I shook my head a little at the state of it and then she pointed to another bike and said "really good" and pointed back to the original bike and said "not good." With these words of confidence I set off out of Hoi An, past the Marble Mountains, China Beach (where U.S. soldiers used to take R&R), Danang, and finally through a series of mountain passes, one so enclosed in fog that many motorists stop and give alms for safe passage at one of the many roadside shrines that line the road. I clutched my lucky rabbit's foot and rode on. Once the fog cleared on the highest pass the views around this coastal road where pretty amazing. The highlight of the ride was definitely the peasant women who flagged down my bike from a far distance for a ride but when I stopped her terror stricken face at who she had waved down told me she was experiencing some deep regret. Through some hand gestures I convinced her that she would probably live through this ride and we were off. I dropped her off about 20km down the road and not long later I arrived at the entrance of Bach Ma. Formerly a mountain retreat for wealthy french colonists at the turn of the 20th century, the area later saw heavy fighting during the Vietnam War. Weapons, munitions, and human remains are still stumbled across and visitors are advised to stay on trails due to existence of unexploded mines that still litter the rain forest.

At the parks gate they informed me that for safety reasons I could not take my moto to the summit, where I was planning on spending the night. Basically an excuse to charge visitors. If I had to pinpoint a time where my love affair with Vietnam started to wane, I would say this was to be it. They said that my only option was to hire a car to take me up for about the price of a domestic flight in Vietnam. Or I could hike the 15 km up the mountain. Not one to voluntarily take a financial raping, I opted for the hike up. It was a pretty tiresome uphill climb, although my mental picture of a nice Vietnamese run guesthouse, with a friendly family offering me hot noodle soup at the top kept me going. 4 hours later I arrived at the top and found a manager who couldnt be bothered by the fact that the park authority had booked me into his "guesthouse." Apparently the free market benefits had yet to hit the national park circuit and because visitors are randomly placed in one of the 3 (overpriced) guesthouses on the summit, there is no incentive for cleanliness, friendliness, or just general care. Deekhead was able to confirm to me that I was the only person staying the night and was shown to an empty, derelict structure about half a kilometer from everything else.

My set up was mattress on the floor with the naked bulb in my room serving as the only illumination in this abandoned structure. Strong winds violently blew open and shut the doors and shutters all night in the 15 empty rooms around me. With heavy fog making visiblity zero around me it was probably one of the more eerie places I have laid my head. I went to bed wondering just what in the hell I was doing on top of this mountain.
Things did not get better. The next morning I woke early and started the 15km descent down. At the bottom the park guard tried to swindle a fee for "watching my bike" and I about lost it. I left him looking up "F-yourself" in his pocket English dictionary and jumped on the bike to head back south. Besides raining the whole descent down the moutain, it continued for about 3 of the 4 hours of the journey back. My cheap poncho provided little protection and the ride back was wet and cold. I tried to keep spirits up while riding throught the downpours by repeating the lines in Forrest Gump in the rain montage--"big ole' fat rain, rain that came in sideways...." Yes, wet deliruim had kicked in but it would pass. I arrived back in Hoi An a day early and decided to stay the night to dry out and head back out the next day.
The weather was a better the next day and I took the bike towards the ruins of My Son. It was a ride into the countryside that I wanted and was off track enough to see some genuine smiles and a sidestreet cockfight.

Weather and greedy bastards could not dampen the trip and overall it was good to get out and about. Sounds like a good time for a scenery change..

Dressing Like a Million Dong

Yes the currency here in Vietnam is called the Dong. Quit snickering you gutterbrain. Anyways, here I am a millionaire in Dong (17,000=1 USD). And because so I decided I needed to look like it. Having heard as far back as before the start of this trip from many people that if I ever found myself in Vietnam to go to Hoi An and get myself some dirt-cheap tailored clothing. Now, as I sit here in 4 year-old khaki shorts and soon to be wearing swim trunks that have seen 5 summers, it is pretty easy to infer that I have little interest in the latest fashions but the chance to get a hand-tailored suit that start at $50, was an opportunity I could not pass up. I guess its an investment for returning to a life previously lived. A step closer to old Brian and a step back from vagabond Brian. The kind of progression that wakes me up in feverish sweating in recent nights.

So the deal here in Hoi An is that this quaint old trading village has turned itself into a mecca for backpackers and high-end shoppers alike to stop in and buy custom made western clothing for a fraction of the cost. And while orders are being sewn up in lightening speed, one can enjoy the scenic town and white sand beaches.
It was a bit of a ridiculous process actually. I went into a tailor shop, they gave me something similiar to a GQ Men's magazine and told me to point at anything I wanted and said they would make it for me in 24 hours. Now lets stop here and discuss just how I intended to pay for anything on my $12 a day budget that allows for little frivolousness. Credit card. They took it, I have one. Am I worried about credit card bills when I get back home? No, because I applied for a government bailout. And since everyone is getting one these days, why shouldn't I? I mean, this is a suit were talking about, not toxic assets.

With non-payment mentality in mind I got myself one suit, one pair of khaki pants, one button down shirt, and one pair of atrocious green "holiday pants" that I intend to wear every Paddys Day and Christmas for the rest of my life. I even had the tailors sew in some elastic into the waistband to ensure comfortable fitting during my more prosperous years. These were by far my favorite purchase. So the total for everything came to $150 and was done in 24 hours, followed by two quick adjustment try-ons. I posted them home so they should arrive around the time I will and just in time to serve as evidence to potential employers that I am am not afraid of stretching a buck with sweatshop labor.
Besides my brief foray into compulsive consumerism, I also rented a bike for a couple days ($0.60) to bike to the beaches and nearby fishing village. Amazingly, I had only pedaled 10 minutes outside of tourist populated Hoi An and came into a fishing village where most people seemed a bit surpised I was there. I was hanging out around the harbor and a group of fishermen were lounging on the bow of their boat and kept motioning for me to come out and join them. So I walked out on the bamboo gangway that led up to the boat and found myself in the midst of a little Sunday Funday celebration. I was immediately included in the continous passing of the communal beer cup and was strongly coaxed into eating the contents of a blackened skillet sitting on the floor of the boat. Another sample of unidentified animal that I will describe as not bad. Conversation was limited but not much was expected in the drinking ritual. The fisherman to my right was intrigued by the hair on my arms and legs compared to his hairless torso and petting them in wonderment. After repeated petting episodes I decided that this sailor had been out at sea a little too long and made a mental note to decline any invitations to head out to sea with them. I took a picture of the fishermen and they extracted a promise out of me that I would return the next day with a copy of the pic for each of them. Seeing as these 5 friends probably would never possess a picture of all of them, I agreed and brought this back to them today. I tracked down one of the fishermen and he was genuinely thrilled as was I.

Another great highlight of Hoi An and some other places in Vietnam is the Bia Hoi, which is essentially un-branded keg beer that they sell for about $0.20 a mug. Besides serving as evidence of God, these prices allow for a party even on my budget. Myself and some other travellers spent last night on a Fried Wonton and Bai Hoi crawl that probably only left me $4 lighter and gave me a renewed appreciation for the fun in activities that have "crawl" in the title.


Making a move soon. Check back to see what it is.

Yours,
Johnny Fashion

Operation Rolling Moto

My last day in southern Vietnam was spent on a brief trip to the Mekong Delta. While there, I toured the waterways and small islands dotting the area. Also tasted some funky local concoctions including rice whiskey and some snake-juice that came from a bottle with a dead snake in it to drive the point home. It is supposed to be the Vietnamese natural Viagra, which must be consumed by them quite regularly as their population is expected to break 100 million in the near future.



Now I am checking in with you from the central coast in sunny Nha Trang, where backpackers go to get beachside and where 65 year-old creepsters come to marry teenagers. The former activity is in my budget so I spent the first 2 days taking advantage of the first swimmable waters in 6 months. Despite efforts not to, I also received the inaugural burn of the summer. Vain attempts at applying sunscreen were futile and I am begining to suspect there might some connection to the recent closing of the local toothpaste factory and the cheap sunscreen I bought. I thought the minty smell was just a novelty of the Vietnamese brand, not a result of clever re-labeling.


After a bit of relaxing, almost to the point where my pulse was undiscernable, I decided that I needed to give the old heart a workout. This involved joining the frenzied masses and renting a motorbike ($2.50/day) to explore the nearby countryside, where no matter the country, people are invariably friendlier. Having your own transport is such a great way to see foriegn places. It appeases the god of whimsicality, who has never failed to provide me with memorable experiences on this trip. And in this instance gave me the chance to randomly come across a Vietnamese who must have studied at the same sign language school as I because he was able to change my status from terribly lost to almost to the desired location in a quick series of comprehensive gestures.

Budget-wise things are rolling OK, although the cost of transportation is the X-factor I am worried about. It is ridiculously cheap here to get around, its just the distances I envision covering in the next 5 weeks are going to cut things close. I am trying to put off the thoughts now but a few drastic measures may be implemented to bring the budget back on the mark. I have heard the mail system is quite cheap so I may just post myself to the next country.

Heading on an onvernight bus to Hoi An tonight. And yes, I know about the draw of Hoi An so no need to email me. For those who don't know, I let you know when I get there.

Yours,
Cavity fighting SPF 45

History, Tragic and Inspiring.

I first noticed the thin beads of sweat on my body welcoming the sun this morning around 6am. It was a hot one. Even the locals were bitching how hot is was. Got to get near water. Lake, river, ocean, I don't care just water to immerse myself in.

The first order of business today was the War Remnants Museum, which is a fairly large exhibition on all events surrounding the Vietnam War. The exhibits were predictably subjective, but so were the textbooks I grew up with. Interestingly, part of the museum was funded by the Commonwealth of Kentucky and some major U.S. corporate organizations. The stuff was pretty gruesome and I probably would've lost my breakfast, should I have eaten any. Its worth a visit if one were to mosey on over to Vietnam.

Also noticed today that it was the anniversary of Benjamin Franklin's death, which got me pondering just how in the hell that man had so many AND diversified achievements in one lifetime. All these thoughts were brought forth from a great biography of him that I read earlier this year. That man was amazing. So I was thinking that in order to be remotely as productive as he was, a person should get no more than 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night. Then I thought that this moment in my life would be good time to see if I could productively function on exactly 5 hours of sleep every night for the next few weeks. But then recent thoughts inspired from an Economics book my buddy Shane gave me made me realize that if I was awake that long during each day it would require one more meal, which is just not in the current budget. And so as quick as that idea came, it left.

As you can see its feast or famine with the internet, now currently feasting courtesy of free internet from the sweat lodge propertiers I am staying with. They are basically forced to provide it to stay competitive with the other guesthouse providers--a beneficial product of capitalism enhancing my stay in this socialist country.

Not sure what may unfold tomorrow, but at 17:17 right now my thoughts are leaning towards a day trip to the Mekong Delta followed by a train trip north to sandy beaches.

Tam Biet,
Brian

A Ride to Remember

"Saigon...shit...." Goes the opening line uttered by Martin Sheen in Coppola's epic movie Apocalypse Now and was also spoken under my breath during my first 15 minutes in this tropical destination known now as Ho Chi Mihn City. Only this time it was spoken in wonderment and not in disdain. No bother that I had nowhere to stay nor was the airport bus running when I arrived. This old woman said she would take me on the back of her scooter and I was all in. I initially scoffed at the idea that her 80 lbs was going to take my 225 of body plus bags to the backpacker ghetto but she was dead serious and so was the next 25 minutes of sheer amazement. Motos, lots of them pack the streets. Crissing and crossing in a bizzare display of fluidity. I read someone before had described it as a massive school of fish that all know each others rythym. I saw no blinkers just intuition. An amazingly quiet spectacle as well. I couldn't have been happier to be introduced to the city this way. The oppressive heat gave way to the breezy ride and I think right there I fell in love with Vietnam. Like a 12 y/o boy smitten after his first kiss, I was in a trance. I'm sure its all downhill from here, but special all the same. You couldn't have wiped the smile from my face with a turpentine rag.
We'll see what holds true.

Your boy,
Brian

Hong Kong

Even on the smallest of budget's, there is much to be done in Hong Kong. Yesterday, I took a class organized by the HK tourist board, in which a Hong Kong jeweller and gemologist gave a presentation on how to inspect the quality and genuineness of diamonds and jade. I can spot a zirconium a mile away now so if you gave you wife something a little less than precious, $50 keeps my mouth shut.

Also travelled to Lantau island and visited the giant bronze Buddha and the Po Lin monastary. They were not taking applications, so I strolled on through the Temple St. night market and had myself a little surpise soup. Ate nothing crazy this time, but my first night here I was 8 bites into my meal when I noticed I was gnawing on a chicken foot. Hmm.

Today I took a free Tai Chi lesson on the waterfront and took the necessary deep breaths that will get me through the craziness of upcoming Vietnam and SCambodia. Also have re-grown the eyes in the back of my head and my thong-sandal toe rash is ready for the weather. Its off to Ho Chi Minh City tomorrow, so we talk from there.


Q

Asian Touchdown

Arrived in Hong Kong and managed to find myself sharing a bunkbed in a closet sized room in a concrete catastrophe magnet of a building. Sadly this is still above my budget but its about as low as you can go in HK. Their tourist board offers tons of free stuff so will check those out tomorrow.

Later
Q

One Last Leap

You see it? You know what it means.

The other day I was walking in downtown Belfast and saw a man lightly tapping one finger on an electronic keyboard while the synthesizer played an actual tune and it occurred to me that like this man, I too was very soon going to have to come up with a genius way of making money.
Here are some realities:
I have been living more or less out of a backpack for 16 months.
Energies are vanishing.
So is money.
So is practicality.

But I have 300 British Pounds, 50 US Dollars, and 40 €uro. And a ticket to Southeast Asia leaving tomorrow. To return June 3. Do the math but I believe that is just under $12 a day, roughly half of what Lonely Planet advises shoestring budgets for the area. It is the challenge I want and need to finish this trip. Just the right circumstances for many good experiences to occur.

In perfect synchchronization my ATM card expired last week as well. Just the cash I have in my possession and nothing more.

I'm starting in Hong Kong, spending 3 days before flying to Ho Chi Minh city, Vietnam. From there my possibilities include Cambodia, Laos, Thailand, and Oceana before my flight out of Bangkok. As always, any contacts of these areas are greatly appreciated.

The drumbeat of normative living is getting louder but its not here just yet..

Road Trip Ireland

The Crew

"Archibald Thatcher"
Logistics/General Voice of Reason

"The Mean"
Cook/The Decider

Cadbury Goodness & "Old Martha"
Choc treat & Motorhome Mother (we are still trying to get her back to the nursing home we stole her from)


"SleepyMonster"
Question Asker/Animal Whisperer

"Murdock"
Disgruntled RV Driver/Itinerant living consultant

The occasion? The arrival of 3 Chicagoan friends. As requested they landed bearing no formal plan, only the expectation of good times ahead. A bit of pre-departure talk among ourselves concluded that although we were all still mildy awesome, our prime of coolness had probably been declining since the glorious college years. Good thing our new buddy Keith, who was to rent us his motorhome, also possessed a Back To the Future DeLorean car completely fitted out with a Flux Capacitor. Ready to transport us back to our former glory.

Although Keith got high marks in street cred for his badass ride, he came up short in the judgement department when he handed me the keys to his motorhome.
Cause we were off like a pack of Banshees*!

*We found out during the trip that a Banshee is in fact a spirit in Irish mythology who appears to announce someone's death, which was a fact unknown to me and yet another revelation that I don't understand the meaning and origin of most of the expressions I use.

In my excitement I jumped ahead a bit. Before departing Belfast in the Party Palace, the crew and I rented a wee car and drove over to County Fermanagh to do a CouchSurf with the Whaley's, the family I initially surfed with back in February. The type of people that put you at ease within 10 minutes and feel thoroughly attached by day's end. They were kind enough to host us all and give Shane, Bridget, and Mary their first CS experience. Although we only had the afternoon and evening with them, it was enough time to see the nearby Necarne castle and drop in on my friend Niamh's uncle who runs the town's hotel/pub and is regionally famous for ruffling conventional feathers by organizing a parade of turkeys through the town and holding a wolf whistling competition soon with Miss Northern Ireland as the bait. I am sure he has some good stories to tell, should one be able to understand what he is saying.
And so after our stay with the Whaleys, we headed back to Belfast to return the car and pick up our home on wheels. For the first day our compass pointed North, with stops to the Carrick-a-Rede rope bridge and Ireland's only World Heritage Site--The Giant's Causeway before we found some of our brethren and parked the RV just outside the Northern city with 3 names--LondonDerry, Derry, and the postmodern Stroke City, for those who refuse to the passive political game.

The first couple nights of RV docking put us in coastal RV parks and out of the possiblity for town carousing. Lucky for us, the Party Palace was equipped with a Disco in the back of it. With a U-shaped lounge and 2x2ft dance floor, the Party Palace was an apt abode for spontaneous fun and hadn't a group of men so politely burrowed my last disco ball back in Turkey, the Da Club in the RV would have been fully fitted.

The next few days brought us through Donegal and down the west coast before we set us shop in Galway. Galway's charm kept us there for 2 nights, with highlights being the repeated telling of the legend of Billy Lawless in town pubs, the gathering and cooking of sea fare (probably tainted), and our consorting with a certain Galway Hooker--the beer that is.
After Galway we headed down to the Dingle Penninsula to check out the berries down there and also to experience the area that had been so widely recommended to us. Also met up with my friend Niamh D , who was there camping with a friend on their Easter Break. The last night saw us in Dublin and from there most of the crew stayed to await there flight while I sprinted back to Belfast to return the suprisingly intact RV and hastily pack up my life for the next departure. A great trip made memorable by the unique personalities hailing from Chitown. This blog is missing many pics and stories, so it will be continously updated for awhile. I just wanted to lay the base down before leaving.

And So It Begins...

Picked up Shane, Mary, & Bridget from the airport today, all ready to commence and all-Ireland RV road trip. Should be an event or two to report on so stay tuned.

In a van down by the river,
BQ